Capitaan dildo arrescate!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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