I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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