this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
