roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
