I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
