Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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