i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
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I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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