5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
