so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
