I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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