i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
