is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
