party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
