Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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