if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
