Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
