I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
