We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
