I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
