Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
