nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
BRING THE BAGELS
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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