yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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