When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
