uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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