Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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