I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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