Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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