You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
