Midget sex pt 2 tonight
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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