the new term for farting is butt boxing.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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