do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
