I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
