our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
