All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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