I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
