ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
