So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
