I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
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he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
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she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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