Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
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i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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