Do you still have your period?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
