I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It's never too late to be topless.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
