we're blogging at a bar
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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