I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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