Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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