The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
