I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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