i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
