3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
