I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
