i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
There's even glitter on my cock...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
