You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
