My liver just broke up with me...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
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Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
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How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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