Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
