I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
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The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
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Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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