I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold