dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
