Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
