Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Do you remember whose house we're in?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
