My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
