the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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