Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
