Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
