This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
