you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize