actually, I'm a sock model
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
