Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
