I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
