You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
