the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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