I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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