I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
