I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
