Will you blow on my dice?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
