I love black thongs
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Randomize
