Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
