I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
