You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
