it wasn't lemon gatorade
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
