You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
