But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
