About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
