Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
