just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
