She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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