Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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