Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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